


The Tri-Dimensional Lighthouse Leap

by Mount_Seleya



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: Chess, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 21:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mount_Seleya/pseuds/Mount_Seleya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which a humble waitress from Nebraska wallops a brilliant physicist's proverbial posterior across three dimensions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tri-Dimensional Lighthouse Leap

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JabberwockyPie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JabberwockyPie/gifts).



The look on Sheldon's face was absolutely priceless: somewhere between intense concentration and bewilderment, with just the tiniest edge of fear, evident in the tiny droplets of sweat beading his forehead. His right index finger, pressed thoughtfully against his mouth, did nothing to conceal how he was nervously nibbling his lower lip.  
  
If Penny had only one word to describe what Sheldon Cooper was doing right now, it would be "squirming."  
  
Suddenly, Sheldon's hand broke away, moving toward the bishop he had on the middle platform of the tri-dimensional chessboard. It hovered there briefly, then shifted over to a nearby rook, sliding it forward two squares to take one of her pawns.  
  
Smiling, she plucked a knight off the lower platform, taking his rook. "And my horsey gets your lighthouse!"  
  
One of Sheldon's eyes twitched angrily. "You could at least trouble yourself to learn the correct names for the pieces."  
  
Huddled between Raj and Leonard in the kitchen, Howard whispered, "Guess today is really Penny's lucky day."  
  
"Trust me, she didn't just get lucky with that move," said Leonard. "Or the last one. Or the one before that."  
  
"And you're not going to get lucky by flattering your ex-girlfriend's chess talent," Howard shot back.  
  
At that, Raj leant over and murmured something in Howard's ear, drawing a malicious-sounding snicker out of him.  
  
"What?" Leonard hissed, dragging an angry glare from Raj and then to Howard.  
  
"He said, 'Dude, you're not going to get lucky with Penny because now she's not getting lucky with Sheldon.'"  
  
Leonard's jaw clenched. "Neither of you have to live with him, okay? I've heard enough 'dear Lords' and 'sweet Jesuses' in the last two months to conclude he's either surprisingly vocal or has become a born-again Christian."  
  
Raj leant in again and said something into Howard's ear.  
  
"'T.M.I., dude,'" Howard relayed.  
  
Penny suddenly threw both of her arms above her head. "And now my pointy-head guy gets your other lighthouse!"  
  
"Rook," Sheldon corrected, his eye twitching again. "It is called a rook, from the Persian _rukh_ , meaning 'chariot.'"  
  
"Maybe I should've put my money on your ex," Howard told Leonard in a hushed voice.  
  
A minute later, Penny slid one of her own rooks up two platforms, stealing Sheldon's queen. "Checkmate!" she declared gleefully.  
  
With hangdog expressions, Howard and Raj dug out their wallets, planting two twenties in Leonard's waiting palm.  
  
Sheldon's face, meanwhile, erupted into countless apoplectic tics. "What — you can't — how could _you_ beat _me?_ "  
  
"Oh, I don't know," Penny said in a taunting singsong. "Maybe the same way Kirk always beats Spock on _Star Trek?_ By thinking on his feet while Spock probably just relies on all the chess strategy books he's got memorized in the oh-so-logical Vulcan head he keeps stuffed up his oh-so-logical Vulcan ass?"  
  
"Penny, are you honestly suggesting that arbitrary action, or 'winging it,' as they say, constitutes a valid strategy?"  
  
Raj pressed his mouth to Howard's ear once again.  
  
"'Ooh, boy, front row seats for the lover's quarrel!'" Howard parroted unenthusiastically to Leonard.  
  
"Do you guys feel like getting a pizza at Corleone's?" Leonard abruptly queried.  
  
"Why?" Howard asked in response.  
  
"Because this isn't going to remain just a lover's quarrel for much longer," Leonard explained. "Then the two of you will finally learn exactly why when I say you shouldn't sit in Sheldon's spot, now I really, _really_ mean it."  
  
Blanching simultaneously, Howard and Raj obediently trundled out the front door after Leonard, the sound of Penny and Sheldon shouting at each other following them all the way down to the third floor landing.


End file.
